Best Friend

I think the hardest part so far after breaking up after 5 years is losing my best friend. As I work through the broken heart part, I really feel upset that I have no one to talk to. I think that is why I started this blog. I lost a lot of friends when I moved to Arizona. And the ones I did keep now our relationship is not nearly as strong or close as it used to be. Everyone has moved on with their lives and it seems as though they feel like I am still in Arizona. Not to mention the fact that now I have a baby. I think it is hard when people do not have children to hang out with someone when they have children. I have been struggling the last few weeks to try to hang out with people but I am finding it difficult to get people motivated to hang out. Which has since affected my mood, I feel a little depressed and just want to stay in bed. This is not good.
I used to think that my boyfriend was my best friend and I would talk to him about everything. He would be the person I would turn to when some family issue was bothering me. Or if I had a bad day or if I had a good day. I really felt that was why I feel in love with him because he was my best friend. I could tell him anything and everything. Lots of things I did not share with family or friends I would tell him. We would talk about our days and discuss things that we saw, made us laugh or whatever. We had so many things in common, I often wonder why it didnt work and if we could get back together. We talk every once and a while on the phone and I feel that connection we had. I miss it terribly.
I wished we were still together cause then I would have someone to share all the things that happen with Izabel.  I miss having someone. Not just the hugs, kisses and love but having someone to talk to all the time. I thought we would be together to raise Izabel together. I feel like my friends, cause they do not have children, do not want to hear about how izabel rolled over or discovered a new toy. But her father would or should I guess. Now I look at stupid facebook and see all these other happy couples and how they are excited about having children. Babies everywhere and happy perfect families to raise them together. And here I am alone with no one to talk to or share it with. I guess I shouldnt envy others but it is hard not to. I see friends who had their families there right when their child was born and how happy they are all together. But all izabels birth pictures are just me and her father. And now they are hard to look at cause it reminds me of how happy I thought we used to be. And I wish we could go back to that. I am realizing that I guess I have a lot of regrets about things in my life. I really try not to have regrets in my life but oh well. It is hard not to. I mean this is not how I imagined my life. I am still in college with a daughter, no job and living at home. But I guess this blog is going to help me work on that fact.