HUGS

I miss hugs. Such a simple and silly things hugs are. But I need one right about now. I need someone to take me in their arms and squeeze me and tell me everything will be alright. Bizzy gives good hugs but it is not the type of hug I am looking for. Its so weird cause I hate hugs but now is the time I need one badly. I feel like Im barely hanging on. I do not know why the loneliness is hitting me so hard today but it is.  

missing az

I am not sure what I miss most about Arizona. But I find myself missing it all the time lately. I know I miss the friends I had down there. I miss having my own place. I miss decorating it for the different holidays and cleaning it and having a place that was my own. I come do whatever I wanted to there. But having a place of my own meant paying for it all by myself as well. Which was a definetly a minus. I know that I would not have been able to afford it with the Bizzy. I miss that the fact that I did not take advantage of all the different things Arizona offered that WI doesnt. I miss the weather sometimes as well. I know I cant move back there anytime soon and I am not sure that I want to either.

The pit of despair

Hello random person who may stumble upon this and begin reading it. How is it going? I know it has been a while and I am sorry. The past few months I have lost all motivation for anything in life anymore. I have no idea where all my motivation and lust for life has disappeared to but I wish it would come back. I miss having the drive to even get out of bed. It is a struggle pretty much everyday. Today, I must admit has been not difficult to get out of bed but I just feel empty and really alone. I currently am fighting back the tears that seem to want to pour out of my eyes. I keep telling myself tomorrow will be better but lately I feel as though it is worse. I am sure it is just a phase and  it will pass. I do not know why I feel so lonely but I do. Writing it all down sure is helping me today. Maybe I am just really tired. I cant help but look around me and see how happy everyone else seems to be. Granted I do not know everyone else but appearances display happy people who had good lives. I want what they have. I know it is a terrible thing to want what others have but I just cant help it. Sometimes I can convince myself that if I am patient that good things will come to me. And that seems to be the popular trend of what people tell me as well. But I just dont want to feel alone. I am not trying to say that I take for granted what I have because I have a pretty good life going for me right now. i dont know what is wrong with me.